I just spent an extended amount of time with my husband – we went on an 9 day holiday with family. It brought home to me how much we have changed as a couple from when we first met.

I can’t say for my habits etc, I can only hope they’re not too annoying, but I realised how many things he does that irritate the hell out of me. To name a few – not only is he a loud eater (even daughter commented) and totally unable to sit still or be quiet for any length of time, but he has also turned into a complainer. His mother has always been pretty negative and it seems he is getting more like her. It got to the stage where our son didn’t want to sit next to him on the flight home. I can’t stand someone who complains all the time, I always try to see the good/bright side of things after suffering pot-natal depression. Hearing someone whinge so often really brings me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a loyalty to my husband and he is very good to his family in a lot of ways, but I have come to realise that I don’t want to spend extended lengths of time with him. I don’t know if I particularly even like him. If I met him now I wouldn’t marry him.

This seems sad, and horrible of me and I do feel bad for thinking it let alone writing about it, yet it’s a truth I have to face. Having said this I wouldn’t instigate a divorce, I do still care about my husband, but can you care about someone you kinda dislike? It seems I can and do.

It has happened gradually over the years that we lead pretty separate lives and I think that’s what will keep us going over the remaining years. I have no wish for anyone else, I couldn’t face the thought of dating again. The only situation I could wish for is to live alone – but that’s more for the fact I wouldn’t have to cook & clean & wash for anyone else.

So I guess it’s just me and a tolerant attitude.